Wedding Planning Tips from a 2020 Bride

I have been engaged to the love of my life since September 2018. We met while I was in graduate school in Missoula, Montana, and he was working at a lab in town after completing his undergraduate studies. He is so smart, patient, and kind. He makes me feel safe and loved, and pushes me to be the best version of myself.

I worked as a wedding coordinator in the past, and saw firsthand how stressful weddings could be. Brides went from beautiful visions in white to crazy-eyed bridezillas in a matter of moments due to the stress of the day. They always apologized after the fact and I never took it personally, but I decided that I didn’t really want to subject myself to that level of stress. I decided that when it came time to have my own wedding, I would skip the traditional process and have a small courthouse wedding. When it actually came time to plan out our marriage, though, my sweet fiance had other ideas.

He felt passionately about having a traditional ceremony with all of our closest friends and family. He got emotional, and told me that he wants nothing more than to see me walking down the aisle to him. He promised me that he would help in the planning process in any way that he could, and that it wouldn’t be as stressful as I expected. How could I possibly say no to that?

We worked together to plan our dream wedding, and were very much looking forward to our big day. Then, the world met COVID-19.

We were originally supposed to get married on May 30th, and my bridal shower was supposed to be last weekend. (I had my bridal shower outfit all picked out...A frilly white Betsey Johnson dress, pretty shoes, and a vintage Yves Saint Laurent bag to pull it all together!) So many people have been impacted in so many different ways. I sometimes feel selfish being upset about it because I know that things could be so much worse, but it was just really hard to accept that this event that we had worked so hard to make happen was just not going to be feasible. We have rescheduled our wedding date to August 22, and all of our vendors have been amazing and accommodating.

We learned a lot during our planning process, so I thought that I would share some of my top takeaways with other future brides (especially those that are just starting their planning process).

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It’s best to start early

Some people made fun of me for planning my wedding far in advance, but I would say that it worked to my advantage at the end of the day. There are generally more couples than there are venues and vendors, so if you put off planning and hiring your vendors you run a higher risk of losing out on them. I gave myself a year and a half to plan, and got all of my big planning items done within the first six months. My vendors were all happy to book a year and a half out, and I never ran into issues regarding vendor availability. Plus, more time means more time to put away money and work on your budget!

It’s your day, not anyone else’s

This was something that I really struggled with. I was making a lot of my decisions to make other people happy, to the point that I was putting my own wants and preferences second. I am using a lot of my own money to pay for our wedding, so I was really feeling a lot of stress about making all of those expensive decisions and worrying that everyone wouldn’t be happy. People will always weigh in on what you should do about your venue, dress, flowers, food - whether you ask them to or not. Ultimately it’s your day and it (hopefully) only happens once, so do what makes you happy!

Expect a wedding mark-up

I am someone that expects honesty and assumes the best in people until proven otherwise, so I was very disappointed to find that as soon as you use the word ‘wedding’, the price of some services will have a 300% increase. It’s important to build this expectation into your budget as it sometimes can’t be avoided, and be creative about cutting costs when you can.

One way that I did this was to order multiple cakes from a local bakery as opposed to ordering a traditional wedding cake, since the cake wasn’t something that was high on my priority list. They will still be beautiful and delicious, and will cost me about $600-$800 less than a traditional cake. Conversely, I allocated a sizable portion of my budget to catering, because a high-quality seated dinner was important to me.

Don't expect that everything will be perfect

It ends up just being one day, and one big party. People will remember spending time with you and celebrating your happiness, and they probably won’t remember the seating arrangement or the placement of your decorations. I have let go of any expectations that our day will be perfect, and it has helped my overall stress level a lot. I also feel like sometimes the things that don’t go quite right make the best stories, so it’s important to look at the positives and enjoy the experience.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

I was very fortunate to have been raised by strong women who did everything that they could to instill a sense of independence in me. I am ambitious, and feel excitement when channeling my drive to achieve my goals. With this being said, though, I have a very hard time asking for and accepting help from others. My mom as well as my future mother-in-law and bridesmaids have been amazing about offering their help. Sometimes I think that they can sense that I’m not one to ask for help, and I have been so thankful for their assistance. I have also found that people don’t see me asking for help as a nuisance, and are actually usually excited to be able to be a part of the experience.

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To all the other 2020 brides out there, we’re in this together. It’s the end result that counts, and we still have partners that love us and can't wait to call us their wives. Keep your head up, roll with the punches, and do everything that you can to make the best of a less than amazing situation.

To all the brides just starting their planning process, congratulations and good luck!